


Reflections

by sparkinside



Category: AFI
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-19
Updated: 2014-12-19
Packaged: 2018-03-02 05:58:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2802092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkinside/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the dark, its easy to look back on our choices and wonder where everything went so horribly astray.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Reflections

**Author's Note:**

> Nothing in this piece ever happened. I claim no ownership nor do I make any sort of profit from this, other than pride and a sense of amusement.

It wasn’t a fling, no matter how hard or often they tried to convince themselves of it. Flings were just that, flings. Short, intense, hurried and over. They didn’t involve any real connection, save the physical aspect, and they certainly didn’t go on for over a year. This was anything but a fling.

Hunter rolled over, straightening the pillow beneath his head enough to make himself somewhat comfortable again. It was late, that much he could tell as his bleary eyes struggled to focus on the glowing red numbers of the digital clock sitting on the bedside table. He’d fallen asleep maybe two hours ago. However long ago it was he knew it wasn’t anywhere near long enough.

Beside him he could hear the soft snoring of his bed partner, felt the warmth of his body seeping into his bare skin. Hunter sighed, knowing he should leave. Staying would only make things worse. He shifted in the bed once more, doing his best not to disturb the man laying beside him. They both had to be up early the coming morning and there was no need for both of them to go without sleep.

A soft sigh fell from behind him and Hunter forced himself to close his eyes once more. This was hopeless, everything about what they were doing was hopeless. He’d known in from the start but he’d allowed himself to pursue it anyway. Hunter knew himself weak in that department. He’d always had a weakness where Adam was concerned.

They’d been friends for years, living in such close quarters tended to bring such things around. Either that or unyielding resentment. They’d lived so much of their lives together in this band, struggling with the highs and lows, internal conflicts, and just about everything else they’d had thrown at them. Adam had even been best man at his wedding.

With a sigh of his own, Hunter opened his eyes once more, allowing them to fall onto the golden band around his finger. She would hate him for this if she knew. And a part of him hated himself for not caring. It wasn’t that he didn’t love his wife, he never would have invested so much into their relationship had that not been the case, it was that so much had changed. They weren’t the twenty somethings they had been when the first met; young, eager, and fiercely in love. They’d both grown up so much over the years, sometimes he found himself wondering just what had happened. But he loved her, he’d made a promise to her, and he was never a man to go back on his word, even if the consequences of his silence were severe.

The soft movement behind him forced Hunter back from his thoughts once more. Carefully, he rolled over onto his side, facing the sleeping man beside him. He found Adam flat on his back, the sheets now resting low on his hips and tangling lightly around his legs. His arms rested haphazardly around him, one over his eyes the other twisted oddly behind his head. How that could even be remotely comfortable, Hunter would never understand. 

Hunter found himself watching the sleeping man. Even after all these years, Adam was still such a mystery to him. He was quiet and reserved, someone you could talk to about anything. He was there for anyone when and whenever they needed him. Loyal, warm, and caring. But at the same time there had always been **something** burning within his eyes. Something Hunter still didn’t fully understand. And that only served to add to the mystery. 

As hard as he’d tried, Hunter couldn’t help but be fascinated by the man before him. That, he admitted to himself, had probably been what led to this downfall. They’d been out one night after a show, it had been ages since they’d allowed themselves that luxury. He couldn’t tell remember the city they were in, let alone the bar, those details were hazed by time and from the copious amounts of alcohol he’d consumed. But even now he could recall in full, vivid color every touch, every taste, every feeling that had run through him later that night in the hotel room.

Somehow they’d managed to find a way back to the hotel they were staying at for the night. Hunter had always figured Adam had been coherent enough to remember to call a cab for them. Though they had walked to the bar earlier that evening, there was no way they would be able to make it back on their own. Not with the way the world had been spinning before Hunter’s eyes. 

The details of finding their way to his room were hazy, but somehow he’d managed to figure out his keycard enough to open the door before falling face first into the darkened room. With a good deal of chuckling, Adam had helped Hunter to his feet and to the bed. 

Even now, Hunter was still uncertain just who had initiated the first kiss. But it had happened and soon he’d found himself pressed hard into the mattress below him, his hands locked in Adam’s hair. It wasn’t until much later that the implications of what had just happened hit him. He was married, he loved his wife, but he had just let his best friend...

What scared him more than what he had done was the fact that he had enjoyed it. More than enjoyed it. A part of him wanted it to happen again. For the first few weeks after that night, he’d done all he could in his power to avoid Adam. He hoped that somehow that would make all of it go away. He’d been drunk, stupid, out of his mind. It shouldn’t have happened. No matter how much he’d enjoyed it, it shouldn’t have happened.

But Adam had never been one to let things fester for too long, especially when they could be detrimental to a friendship. So it shouldn’t have surprised Hunter when Adam confronted him outside of the bus a short time later. Facing him was a daunting task, every time he looked in those eyes he was forced to remember just what he’d done. He hated that.

Their conversation hadn’t gone well and Hunter had been half afraid that the entire tour crew would hear their heated yelling and come to investigate. And that was something he absolutely did not what or need. Adam, after more than a few choice words, had been wise enough to move the argument onto the bus. Both Davey and Jade had wandered off shortly after they’d pulled into the venue lot and Smith had jumped ship soon after. 

The heated words continued, at least on Hunter’s part, for a few minutes more. Less than half of what he was saying made sense, but the tension and worry of those passing weeks had built to the point that he had no choice but to explode. And Adam had simply stood by and let him fire away, letting each harsh word simply roll of his back. His calm demeanor only served to push Hunter further over the edge. 

With anger coursing through him, Hunter had pushed himself up against Adam, fully ready to release another brutal lashing of words. Before he consciously realized what was happening, Hunter found himself once again kissing the man before him. He was angry yes, but not angry enough to not completely understand what he was doing. The part of his brain screaming to him that this was wrong was simply crushed by the larger part of him saying he didn’t care. 

That part of his brain grew louder as Adam relaxed and began returning the gesture with more force than Hunter had expected. This wasn’t right, he knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt, but it forced him to feel something he’d forgotten. Passion, urgency, need. Suddenly it didn’t matter that he was married, for all intensive purposes straight, Adam wanted this and so did he. If they were careful, if they just did this carefully nothing would have to change. 

And so they carried on in this pattern, scraping aside whatever time they could when they could. It was exhilarating, frightening and he loved and hated it for that reason. It scared him how easily he could slip between the two lives he found himself leading. When he was with Adam, he could forget everything but what he was doing, what he was feeling. It was as if he’d split himself into two completely different beings. 

He never let himself think what would happen once the tour ended, as far as he’d let himself believe this was simply an affair. It would fade out once they went their separate ways. Affairs happen, they’re not right nor are they ever smart, but they happen. He was human, he had needs and Adam had been there to fill them. It didn’t go beyond that. He refused to let it go beyond that. If it had, everything he knew would change. And that was something he wasn’t ready to let himself face. It would be over by the time the tour ended, simple as that. It had to be.

But as he found himself drawn closer to Adam’s sleeping form, he grew more aware of how complicated it had all become. If it was only an affair, he’d have left soon after they’d fucked. He wouldn’t have allowed himself to sleep beside him, to be pulled in by him. Those realizations terrified him. What had he pulled himself into? What was he going to do? For the first time, he didn’t have the answer.


End file.
